April 2nd, 2002 by Kevin I have a small penis

If you thought the post for yesterday was real, you're an idiot. Also, Ken wrote a review for Megadeth's new live album in the music section. He has no taste. Just kidding.

Do you measure up?

Yes, I am declaring it once and for all. Knowing my luck, my mom and dad are reading this, or one of my female friends that didn't want to know about the size of my package. Don't worry, I'm not going into any detail. I'm not really even going to talk about my attirbutes. No, I'm going to talk about the myths that go with small penises, and also why having one is so stigmatized in our society. Doing this on the internet is just asking for me to get made fun of, I know. But I suppose it's better than doing it for a high school or college news paper where people are guaranteed to read it.

I think the whole deal with small penises starts in the locker room. Way back in the 7th grade guys were worried about the size of their dick. That of course continues on through adulthood. Except instead of macho posturing in the locker room, it's macho posturing with cars. So there's myth number one, which I'm sure your heard: Guys with really nice cars only have them to make up for the size of their penis. To which I say "haha!, I don't even own a car!" Of course, I make up for it by buying tons and tons of CD's and electronic equipment, but that's beside the point. Since I don't have a car, I can't go on about this anymore other than to say "Screw you, it doesn't apply to me!"

Many, many companies have capitalized on the insecurity of men and their packages. Go to any good porn site, and you will see it splattered with ads that promise to add 2 or 3 inches to your penis. As you can see, these companies that make penis pumps, or make special weights, or just figured out some exercises (don't ask why I know this) assume that people who look at porn have small penises. Which we all know is untrue. All guys look at porn at some time or another, it's just a fact of life. Also, you hear these ads on radio and see them on TV; they promise it will enhance your performance and increase your pleasure, and put confidence back into your sex life. This translates roughly into: "We know you have a small dick (because you're watching infomercials at 10pm on a Friday night instead of going out) and couldn's last through the first verse of a two and a half minute Ramones song if your life depended on it." Yeah, I'm sure you've seen them before. Every time I see those things, I want to gouge out my eyes and rip off my ears. Fuck that, man. What bullshit. First of all, If you're so insecure about your performance, you shouldn't be having sex anyways. And why be insecure. It's not your fault that you're not well-endowed, or don't last long. It's the damn women's sexual revolution, and the media, that make you feel this way. I'm not going to be a bastard that says that the female orgasm is a myth, because it's not. But I am going to be the bastard that says "STOP CARING WHAT SHE THINKS!" All your problems will go away then. Of course, I would never condone that sort of behavior, but it is true. If you'd stop being concerned if the woman came or not, and focused only on how you feel, you wouldn't need those drugs.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "It's not what you have, it's what you do with it." And the smart-assed girl's response is "Someone with a small dick came up with that one." Which is probably true. But the saying is also true. If you wanna get slammed by some 10 inch horse cock, be my guest. But seriosuly, ask any woman that is sexually mature enough (read: has slept with a fair amount of men), and I bet she'll tell you that size doesn't matter, providing he knows what to do with it. Because, I mean, isn't sex supposed to be about passion, love, and emotion? Pleasure is in there too, but seriously how much pleasure is derived from having your vagina thrashed by an oversized piece of flesh? Besides, I've read reports that say the vagina is only sensitive three or 4 inches in. So, that's all you really need. The rest is overkill.Those females that say those things about small penises are all clueless girls that have no idea what sex really is. So yeah, I have a small one and I don't care. The people that will flame me for this post are probably jealous that I have a healthy sex life, and they don't. Either that or I'm just plain stupid (which you shouldn't ever doubt.)

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