December 8th, 2001 @ 7:49 PM by Kevin OK, so I lied

This is why you hate english class. Critical writing. Most of us aren't literary critics. Most of us don't want to be. We want to be entertained. We are active, normal, human beings with lives. Critical writing is one of the most useless, boring classes there have ever been. I would think that most of us would like to think of things, would like to understand things, on our own terms. This doesn't happen in Critical Writing. I capitalized the "w" this time to show how "important" it is. It's a required class for all english majors at my university. Oh, no, we'll have none of that independent thinking, which may or may not include "not giving a shit," which is my preferred form of thinking. You will think of things in terms of psychoanalysis, feminism, or deconstruction. Only from there will you be able to think on your own, based in thoughts that other people (no doubt with too much time on their hands) came up with. I won't doubt that you could come up with your own views, that have nothing to do with any former forms of criticism. But it isn't likely.

Sure, a lot of people would say, "No, it's the shitty (tedious) grammar, the useless sentence diagrams." Which, of course, is true. It may not be useless (the grammar), without it we'd all write and speak like backwoods hicks with 3rd grade educations. No one wants to be told how to talk (that last error is intentional). We'd like to think we could master our own language all on our own. But the truth is we can't. There are rules, rules, and more rules. We are conditioned to speak properly, almost snobbily (in certain situations), and that's where critical writing comes in.

Going all the way back to grade school, along with that grammar, Critical Writing is the root of it all, because berating grammar in all it's snootiness is far too easy. We get this "critical" understanding of literature way back in reading class. It's far more diluted than it is at the college level. You're still required to comprehend, at a literal level, not on some deep one. But the idea is still the same. The author is saying something. What is it? That comprehension on someone else's terms is where the hatred begins to take shape. If you don't care at all to think about a piece of work, on any sort of far-out level, and you'd rather take it for the entertainment value (which is at least 75% of the reason authors write novels to begin with, I think), you are low class. I'm not saying that you shouldn't think at all about what you're reading. If that was true, we might as well read Hit Parader for the rest of our lives. Which, of course, is also low class. And none of us want to be thought of as that. The feeling I get from my critical writing class is that I am below the rest of the talking heads. Let's face it, that's all they are. What they have to say has no meaning in the real world. I'm not intellectual like them. I have a feeling (and I hope to God that this feeling is correct) that a large majority of the class was perfectly happy not thinking about books and poems in a certain way. But this class is insistent on making the students Cosby-sweater-wearing, snobby, intellectualists. I get that vibe every time the professor talks. Sure, she's a nice lady. She usually jokes about the theories and how little sense they make. But yet she goes on with that hint of "I'm well read, and you will be too" in her voice. I suppose that's typical for a college professor, but I think that they, as a group, take something purely fictional far too seriously.

I know, I'm starting to sound like an anti-intellectual. I might as well condem all that book-learnin' the kids are subjected to these days. That's not really my point. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to think of things on some sort of intelligent level. But there is a point where it goes too far. My professor mentioned how it's fun to do these critical analyses on books and poems, and some students agree. Fine. Personally, I can find something to better to do with my life. Later on though, she said, with great exuberance, "Oh! You can do this with anything! Look at Monsters Inc." Monsters Inc! A Disney movie made for children. And it's fun to analyze this? To look for Freudian sexual content? What the hell is wrong with these people? Do we really need to take all of the fun out of a movie (or a book, poem, etc.) by analyzing the hell out of it? I think not. Maybe some people really have nothing better to do with their lives...

Now that I've ranted on with my often-jumbled thoughts, it's time to shut this baby down. This "low class" person is going to do what I did to the people in my speech class who gave a persuasive speech on why we shouldn't smoke. I defied them. I went outside, lit up a cigarette, and enjoyed it like no other. So, while the artsy, literary type people are sitting in your study, (full of the "canon" of authors), sipping your wine, listening to your faggy Kenny G, I'll be sitting in my room. I'll drink a nice cold beer, and listen to Metallica (Holier Than Thou, maybe?)! Most of all, I'll be writing and thinking the way I want to, even if that means not thinking at all. It's about god damn time I did.



So, how did you like that Wesley Willis thing? Wait, I don't wanna hear... I'll have a better post up later tonight. For now, look at the wonderful Cradle of Filth review I wrote.

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